I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
