I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
