That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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