I heard we made out
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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