apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
