Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
