is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
