in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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