yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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