i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
