I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
