I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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