doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
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