I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
