matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
