She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
