there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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