The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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