I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
