My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
