Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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