Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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