i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
