I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
