that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
