He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
