so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
