The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize