I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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