i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't turn off my feet"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize