am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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