I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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