Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
