I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
