I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
