Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize