Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Randomize
