Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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