I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
