Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
