Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
