My sheets look like a crime scene.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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