How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You ate ashes out of my bong
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
