Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
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You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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