Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
