i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
we're so committed to being not committed
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
