apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
