Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
