I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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