If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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