I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
