talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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