I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
