Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
