Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
