Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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