Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
