So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
