I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
