There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
