I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
